The Legend of Chris Spann
by Chauncey 21
Summary: Follow the life of Chris Spann, the youngest son of the Emperor of the Butter Empire. Follow as he goes from a pro basketball player to the Emperor of the Butter Empire due to many tragedies. However, when the squids invade, will Chris be able to hold things together? Or, will the Butter Empire be defeated? Rated T for: some violence and very mild adult themes.


The Legend of Chris Spann

Chapter one: the skip

Chris Spann was raised by a good mother and father. He was always the quiet one in his class at school, just like his father. Chris was born in February 10, 1922 .As a teenager in the Butter Empire he was a little bit of a drug addict. But, only for two years, Chris' basketball skills had shot up a lot since he got off of drugs. It shot up so much that he was asked if he wanted to join the PBL (professional basketball league). But, he refused because he wanted to finish his high school years. By the way, he was only 15 years old.

Later after college, he said to his parents: "Can I join the PBL, please". His parents approved of it, so he joined the PBL. On the day of the draft for the PBL, the 20 year old Chris was a little anxious for his time to go out there."With the first pick in the PBL draft, the Bricklannia Brickers select, Chris Spann, from butter state university." After shaking hands with the commissioner he went to the Bricker's locker room to meet his team. At 5:00 P.M the next day in the locker room before the game, the coach was giving a speech to the team. After all, it was the first game of the season.

When the referee tossed the ball up for the opening tip off, the Bostron Ninjas got it to their players, and the game started. With the Brickers on defense, the only thing to worry about for that matter was when they got the ball to Chris' matchup. So Chris was not letting Nathan by him, then Nathan tried to shoot it because the shot clock was getting closer to buzzing. At that moment, Chris jumped up to block the shot and he forced the shot clock violation.

When Chris got the inbounds, he carried it up court, then, after the first eight seconds on the shot clock went by, Chris swished a three point shot. Later in the first quarter, Chris had scored 18 straight points to make the score 38-26.

It was nearly the ending of the first quarter with the Brickers in possession of the ball for the last 20 seconds. Then Chris swished a three point shot at 2 seconds to go then the timer ran out. The first quarter had ended with a close score of 40-37. The second quarter started with the ball in possession of the Ninjas. When they shot the ball, it missed everything, and then Chris got the ball and zoomed down the court like a fast car using nitro boosters. Then, Chris one hand slammed the ball with authority.

With five out of twelve minutes to go in the second quarter, the score was 67-53. The Brickers lead by 14 points. Later at the half the score was 75-59, when the third quarter started, the Brickers took over completely. They did not miss a single shot in the first four minutes of it. By the way, each quarter was twelve minutes long. So, when the Ninjas had possession of the ball, Chris went in for the steal and was on a fast break. Chris ran so fast that when he jumped it was from the free throw line, and he slammed it down the hoop of the goal.

At the end of an exciting quarter the score was 87-67, with the Brickers out on top the whole game, unusually. "Don't go away folks, we will be right back after the break." said the commentator in a loud voice. "We are back as the fourth quarter gets under way" explained the commentator. As the fourth quarter started, the action of the game quickly got back. The fans were so excited that they felt like letting ten times as loose as they already had. Chris had sunk ten three point shots in the fourth quarter, and he also had scored a total of 56 points. After the fourth quarter ended, Chris' stats were: 60 points, 12 rebounds, 21 assists, 11 steals, and 8 blocks. The final score was 102-87. The Brickers won their first game of the season.

Later, that night after the game, Chris prepared for bed because the time was 11:00 P.M. If there is anything Chris has learned from his first game, it is that his team is terrible for a PBL team.

The next morning, he went to his kitchen to get a good breakfast for some brain power. Because he needed something to wake him up, he ate only three eggs and went to practice at a local gym downtown.

Ever since waking up at three in the morning this morning, he had practiced from 4:00 to 5:00. When he got home at 5:30, he watched the news that came on at 6:00 A.M. Then after the news went off at 7:36, he went to sleep for 4 hours. When he woke up, his plane attendant told him to haul his big butt onto the plane so that they could go to the city, that their game will take place in.

While the plane was flying, Chris was joking about how the coach was so short, it would take him a year to fall and hit the ground from the door of the plane. When the plane landed in Butter city, the team made their way to their hotel that the team owner rented for the team. Later, that night, the team ate pizza before the game. Then, they headed to the stadium to prepare for the game. By the way, their hotel was right next to the stadium.

When the referee blew his whistle and threw up the ball, the game began. This time the Brickers won the tip off and Chris took the ball down half way of the court, and then the 6'5" point guard, Chris passed the ball to his teammate, Richard Hamilton. Then, he passed the ball back to Chris who then shot a three point shot and made the score 3-0. Later, in the first quarter of the game, the score was 21-32." The Brickers are out on top."

Here is a list of top performers so far:

Chris Spann

Richard Hamilton

Crocker Camson

Patrick Ushin

Rick Berry

Later, in the second quarter, with everyone using their backup lineups, the scoring had been weaker than in the first quarter. Later, after the game the total score was 98-112.

The Brickers won the game and headed out on their team bus to a pizza place to eat a celebratory pizza. Then, when they finished the pizza, they headed back to the hotel to pack their bags and head back to the plane and went back to Bricklannia. When Chris got home at 8:00, he pulled off all of his clothes but his underwear and slept in his bed. Then, he woke up in the middle of the night to pee and then got a cup of water to drink. Then, he went back to sleep in his bed. He woke up at 4:00 a.m. He once more ate three scrambled eggs in his kitchen for breakfast. Then he took a quick piss, drunk a 1 liter plastic cup of water, and then he got a ride from his limo driver in a limo to a local gym, where he worked out until 7:00, then he practiced his basketball skills until 10:00 A.M. Then he rode his limo home, and then he watched the sports channel on his T.V.

Later, that game less night, Chris started dating. It's a shocker, ain't it, readers? The first girl he dated that night was a hot girl with jugs that were big, but, she had a bad attitude for a hot girl.

The second girl he dated that night was tall and had a very large set of breasts for someone who was tall as a tree limb, practically.

Then, late in the playoffs his team made it to the conference finals of the west, it was game three of three in the fourth quarter, Chris was on full court defense and the game was tied with 3 seconds to go. Chris was blocking the way of the in-bounder, then, all of a sudden he was gone, when the pass was thrown Chris came out of nowhere and steals the ball. Then he dunked the ball on the center of the Warriors. With 0.4 seconds left, they chucked a half court shot and missed everything.

Later, in the PBL finals, it was the fourth quarter, the Brickers were down by one point until suddenly Chris came out of nowhere and stole the ball, and slammed into a foul for the and-one. He makes the free throw and brings them up by two. The Scorpions called a timeout for no reason and shot a three and made it. Then Chris did the same and the Brickers won the game. "The Brickers won the finals, Chris Spann is MVP!" excitedly yelled the commentator.

Later, that night he went to bed and then woke up at 12:00 A.M. He went to the bathroom to take a fat dump in his toilet. Then he started singing the words: hologram deadlox fighting creepers, while sky gets blown up. That was what woke up the neighbors in five minutes. Then he wrote apology letters to them and fell asleep. He woke up again at 9:00 A.M at his desk in front the crapper in the living room. He gets up and puts on new clothes from the laundry room and then he washes his hands. Then he takes off all of his clothes and takes a shower, after he takes his shower, he puts back on all his clothes and then he puts on his new shoes that he indorsed from Butterie. Then he went out on the street to jog around the block.

Two years later, he decided to marry the woman that he dated for two years so that he could have legit children. His new wife is happy with him and his "money". "Can we go on vacation, honey" asked Rita (Chris' wife). "No, I have a career" said Chris. Later that night they tried for a baby. Nine months later, nothing happened. Today Chris has to pick up his ring for the fourth time so that he can go get some gasoline. After that, he picked up a pizza for his wife. When Chris got home his wife got in the car. Then they headed off to the mall in their limo, driven by their butler. When they arrived, Chris got in a feud in a parking lot with a dude over who got the free parking for limos. Chris in the end used an AK-47 to finish the job of nearly killing that dude. Lucky for that guy, the ambulance happened to pass by and pick him up. Only to be brought to full health and sent to the emperor's mansion to be killed by the emperor himself. After five minutes of shopping, Chris thought that there was going to be a sale for new jerseys. He looked and looked, but there was not a sale for it.

Two years later, he had three children, "they're triplets, honey" said Rita excitedly. Later that night, they put the babies and themselves to sleep. Later, that morning they had their first family breakfast, as a family of five. Chris went off to practice at the local gym, and Rita was in charge of the babies.

Two years later, Chris went to his sixth ring ceremony after winning the finals of the PBL. Two years earlier, he had moved to Butter city. He moved to the Butter city Bulldogs, and he got a prescription to five free downloadable seasons of Pournalnnia to watch. Then Chris took another fat dump in his fancy toilet. He started playing loud music that woke the neighbors up in 12 seconds. He started writing the apology letters for the second time. Then he passed out from excessive dumping force. The next morning he woke up to find himself on the kitchen counter, surprisingly. So, he got off the kitchen counter and got some breakfast that his butler had prepared for Chris.

When Chris got home, Rita excitedly was waiting for Chris to drive her to the fancy restaurant around the block so that the family could eat out. Later, after dinner, the family went home. But, while they were heading home, they stopped for a bathroom break. While they were doing that, suddenly Chris got a cell phone call from his old high school friend, Martin Hamsterton. On the bathroom wall, the text said: "wish all you want, but it may not come true." Later, Chris and his family got home, and went to bed.

Later, in time his hall of fame induction speech was about to begin. By the way, it was 14 years later. Chris was 41 years old, and played 20 years pro. "I would thank my father and that bald fat guy that ate my spare tires for my limo, for all of their hard work for molding my basketball skills enough to get me this far in life. And, I would also like to thank my children for being here with my father tonight, for this night only will we celebrate with a big pizza party. I would like to thank my agent for helping me through tough times and my teams' coaching staff, and also my neighbors. Last but not least, I would like to thank myself for everything I have accomplished in life. Now let's party all night long!" sung Chris in an excited voice. Later in the morning, Chris took a piss in his fancy toilet.

**TEN YEARS LATER**

While Chris was elected emperor he went to his new mansion. Later that day, a squid general approaches Chris and asks if he would do something about the ocean water pollution. "No" said Chris, flat-out insulting the squid. The squid went back to their squid head quarters to tell his commander about the answer to their problem. The squids sent Chris a telegram of the fact that they had declared war on the Butter Empire. Chris prepared his artillery and troops for battle, later, he had seen the armada that they were dealing with in this war.

The sad thing about this battle was that, it was on February the tenth, his birthday. Also, we had to be prepared to protect our homes by any meanings necessary for that matter. By the way, the narrator is Chris' father for most of the story. The Squid Menace was apparently the leader of all squids in this attack.

The war was harsh on the first battle, there was a lot of blood, burned skeletons of people and squids. The squids were pinned down until they called in the Squidanator to break through our defense lines. Chris watched his troops die as he stared at the battle field. He also started seeing his childhood all over again.

"Chris, it's time for school", said Riana. "I have to get my school books that I brought home last night", said Chris. "Steven, Judder, John, and Riana, get your white trash butts down here", said Christopher. "Chris move over", said John. Since John was the oldest, he tended to push his younger brothers and sister around a lot. By the time Chris got in his parents limo, he decided to bust out his fancy new B phone 8. Chris was taking pictures of his butt and sending it to the smelly fat douche bag kid in his class that kept farting on everybody. Chris really hated that fat kid in his class, later, during class break outside, Chris was caught by a teacher, for trying to beat up that gassy fat kid. Chris was only told to keep his hands to himself because he was the emperor's son.

Chris was later at the lunch table talking about how there was going to be what is called the best PBL draft class in history. "So, Chris, are you going pro someday", said Martin Hamsterton. "Probably not", said Chris. "Seems to me like you really hate that fat kid over at the corner table", said Johner Clasher. "Well, aren't you the smart douche today, Johner", said Gren Hamertom.

As the day slowly went by, Chris decided to take a bathroom break during history class. "Mrs. Agria, may I go to the bathroom, please", asked Chris. "Sure", said Mrs. Agria. So, when Chris went to the bathroom, he decided to pee in the sink's water spicket and directly in the sink. When Chris got out of the bathroom, he went to class and finished up the day. When Chris got home, his father got on the couch and had a talk with Chris about how when each emperor is in their seventies, they have to step down from emperor. Chris had asked why talk about that now, and Christopher told him that it is important that Chris goes to college, so that he could learn about proper leadership skills.

By the time Chris was thirteen, he was introduced to drugs by the middle school jocks. Chris did not accept the drugs, until three months into school. When Chris got on drugs, he started to flunk classes for two years, but his parents did quick home schooling and helped him get off of drugs afterwards. Then Chris finished middle school with an A+. When Chris went to high school, he was often the guy that turned down drug offers. In fact, he had turned down 700,675 offers for drugs on a combine of his freshman and sophomore years of high school. Now that Chris is a high schooler, he can eat lunch with his friends at a real restaurant at lunch time.

Judder had been going around the block with all of the hot women that he saw. Steven was a high school drop-out. John was in a gay pride rights protest, and his sister was a reporter in the high school conspiracy club. Chris' sister was actually doing well in school for once while her other brothers were flunking and dropping out. Chris was trying to help his community out, by volunteering for a taxi pickup job around the city. He had to do a lot of pointing guns at people who would not pay up for the ride. Chris had to stumble through high school, due to the fact that he had a taxi job for a whole half day. His high school drop-out brother had skipped town a couple of weeks ago. Later that week, Chris' sister Riana, had done a report on the big Butter city heist on the national bank of Butterness, here is how it went. "As you can see here, we have the banker at the front office to tell us the news of what had happened," said Riana. "Well, we could not really tell who was behind this, but, we did get a couple of pictures though", said the banker at the front office.

Suddenly, the flashbacks stopped, he had suddenly started to attack the squids who had invaded the palace of the city. Chris could not hold them off much longer. The squids eventually had captured Chris and sent him to the arctic to freeze to death. Five months later, the war was lost, due to the fact that Chris was thought to be dead. 2999 years later, Jonny Corts had put together a prison gang for a final break out. It had partially succeeded; the only person who had escaped was Jonny Corts. He went to the arctic on his secret snow mobile. He spent hours trying to break Chris out of the ice. They later went into the igloo, to start planning a retake on the Butter Empire. Chris had discovered that the squids have advanced so much, that they have a time machine built. Later that night, the two of them had fell asleep and had dreamt of what it would be like if they had won the war the first time. The two of them had spent a total of one hour trying to catch a fish to eat so that they could conserve the fish for the trip.

They started the ride that would go on for five hours. Jonny Corts had decided to play a song on the radio to pass the time of the long ride. Chris had thought about how good a round of some basketball games would feel right now. They later had bypassed the security guards long enough to steal the time machine and bring it back to the igloo. They had set the time to go back to as, the year of 1972. To help stop the squids they set that time to go back to 1972. The war had looked like it had been won for the Butter Empire at that time. The squids had decided to calculate all of their advantages that they had at the time.

Later, in the war they had the advantage over the squids completely because they had the future selves of Chris and Jonny. Jonny had cleared the way for Chris to get to Squidler (the squid menace). Chris had entered the room of Squidler. By the way, the squids' plan was to freeze the world. "Squidler, you will not win this time", said Chris in a determined voice. They fought for 6 hours straight. Chris was ready to fight after his wife had healed him up. He knew that the only way to end this was to take a final blow at the squid with the butter sword of justice and then, blow up the squid palace.

Chris had attempted it and after the smoke had cleared, squid guts were on the walls and Chris from the future was collapsed on the floor. Chris was taken to a bed to lay down on, he had vanished in five minutes after he was on the bed. 59 years later, Chris was in his bed surrounded by family, and after five and a half minutes of talking to his son, telling him not to make the mistake that he made, he passed away after making a last shot in his bed mini hoop.

THE END


End file.
